Alone

by Pyrite Birdcage

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about

The first release from the project Pyrite Birdcage. A strong focus on lyrical themes enhanced by the rich and natural sound of acoustic instruments, with a few surprises hidden here and there.

credits

released May 2, 2017

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all rights reserved

about

Pyrite Birdcage Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Pyrite Birdcage is a solo project headed by Michael Grunebach. The current focus of the project is engaging lyrics coupled with acoustic instrumentation.

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Track Name: Call It A Disclaimer
So yeah, I am just a mope
Singing these suburban blues
You only understand the problems
When they are happening to you

Sure someone has it much worse
But does anyone have it better
I'm just trying to calm myself
And put my pieces back together

After all this work I've done
I am still far from impressed
Take this as my studying
Next project will be the test

I made this all for me
No I made it all for you
An exercise in futility
But it is all that I could do
Track Name: Tiger Eyes
Most couples would be brought together
But they were caught in the bad weather
Despite creating a beautiful child
The tension had finally drove them wild
So now they split and moved away
A love lost before the first birthday
As she grows she will not know the feeling
Of a happy family beneath one ceiling
Some would argue she was robbed of peace
Running from her house to find release
A young girl left stranded on her own
Holding more potential than they know
Always moving from place to place
She never lived at a calm pace
In many houses of brick and stone
She still searched for a place called home

Things with mom started to go wrong
Returning to normal took too long
Saying things she didn't mean
Talking to the movie screen
Ran outside into the street
Only screeching tires there to meet
Then they took mother away
Begging grandpa please let her stay
It is for the best he said
She has got a troubled head
Staying up praying to the sky
Tears leaked from her tiger eyes
Father heard and said awful things
Unaware of the pain he brings
A little girl lost in the world
Forced at a young age to be old

She fell in love with a gentleman
And as the hourglass leaked it's sand
Still naive enough to pretend
They could survive together til the end
At first she saw beauty in his eyes
The arctic sea in a thin disguise
He knew that she had shown him love
Left him floating so very high above
But then the magic faded away
The fights started happening everyday
The constant raging pain left them
Hurting themselves just to feel again
So when another girl offered her heart
He left what he wanted from the start
She was left in torment and tears
Experience in pain far past her years

This young woman searches for herself
Won't allow any others to help
She has learned to count on one
The others may as well be none
Pushing forward chasing her dreams
She knows life isn't what it seems
Burdened with a transient existence
She will fight for her commitments
All her hardships trained her well
Ignoring the lies that they try to sell
Compassion for every living being
Clings to her goals without ever fleeing
Wants a greater experience for us all
She never kept her aspirations small
No matter how dark she will find the light
Continuing on the age-old fight
Track Name: Waiting
I've been waiting for tomorrow
Seems like a long time now
Yeah I've been waiting for tomorrow
Just wondering how
To escape the gruesome fate
Of being trapped in today
Burdened with thoughts I hate
Mental poison claiming there's no way

I've been waiting for tomorrow
Praying that it will show
So I've been waiting for tomorrow
Hoping these dark thoughts will go
Maybe I'll find release
And my mind will be cured
As the sun rises in the East
I hope my prayers were heard

I've been waiting for tomorrow
On my hands and knees
Yes I've been waiting for tomorrow
Simply asking please
Please can you fix my pain
And take away these sorrows
Wash me with the rain
And for once I will be hallowed

I'll be dreaming of tomorrow
As I lay to sleep tonight
May my problems disappear
Before the morning light
Track Name: B2B
I've been punished for my honesty
And honestly I'm accustomed to it
The fire has been doused by rain
And it cannot be re-lit

I'll inhale the smoke that rises up
Breathing deeper than ever before
But you can't get high off the past
Feet sticking firmly to the floor

Sitting outside in the dark
The beginning came at the end
The wind blowing through was cold
And I had failed to pretend

Slowly the days fade away
But I am much stronger than you
Quickly the days go by
And I've lost my sense of truth

I wanted you to hold me
Like you would hold a pen
As you crafted art
Before starting over again

I wanted you to love me
Like you would love your soul
As the days pass by
Your perception still not full

I am letting my hair grow longer
Soon I'll be unable to see
Some would find this inconvenient
But it is far from that for me

I wake up almost every morning
But I'll go right back to sleep
It's harder to keep my chin up
With the mindset that I keep

I miss the feeling of falling
It has been far too long since I
Have had the chance to jump off of
A great height just to fly

Sitting inside a circle
With candles placed all around
I will keep strumming my guitar
Until I find the perfect sound

I wanted you to hold me
Like you would hold your breath
As you sunk further down
Into a sea of unknown depth

I wanted you to love me
Like you would love your heart
As you put it back together
Mending every broken part

Just thirty steps from the fire pit
Are stones that I've spent nights on
Trying to clear my head of poison
Just trying to right my wrongs

In the end you must admit
You will live with what you've done
It doesn't matter if you try to hide it
It won't help if you run

I will carry you for miles
If your legs give out on you
I'll do my best to lift your spirits
If your heart is broken in two

It doesn't have to make sense to me
If it just makes sense to you
Do you spend your time overthinking
While the sky turns black to blue

I wanted you to hold me
Like you could never hold it together
As the times fell victim
To the relentless stormy weather

I wanted you to love me
Like you could never love yourself
As you gave up fighting
Your declining mental health

I asked you if you knew me
And you replied: "more or less"
I asked how long you'd listen
But you refused to even guess

Now I only hear your voice
In the white noise I can't explain
As the sound rings in my ears
I hear you calling out my name

Will you ever feel so exhausted
That you stop running from your past
How far do you think you'll make it
Before you give in at last

Have you found what you had needed
Do you still search for peace of mind
Or can you hide it easily
Never showing anyone a sign
Track Name: Current State Of Affairs
I don't fit in my father's clothes
I am still a kid
I thought I had grown up finally
But it seems I never did
Everything that was going well
Is starting to fall through
And when the day comes to its end
I'll just think of you
Where did all this come from
Expectations at every turn
I'd try to fight the fire
But in the end I know I'll burn
And I cannot ever decide
If I'm wasting the day
Devoting all my energy
To things that'll never stay

I never asked for this
Eating my meals alone
I used to be comfortable
But all my friends left home
So drown me with your compliments
And save my simple frame
Some day I will escape from this
Hold onto my name

I feel lucky if I get
Even four hours of sleep
The mountain I climb up each day
Only grows more steep
It's slowly weighing on my mind
This constant uphill fight
That is why I am struggling
To fall asleep at night
I see the black inside your eyes
And I can feel your pain
Every person I look at
Yeah you know they're all the same
One by one they trudge by
Never think it through
If they even know where to go
Or what to do

I never asked for this
Eating my meals alone
I used to be comfortable
But all my friends left home
So drown me with your compliments
And save my simple frame
Some day I will escape from this
Hold onto my name

As I stand inside the shower
Lose track of the time
I stare at my right forearm
And realize my crime
Day after day I lose
What am I trying to gain
Every move seems redundant
We're all stuck in the game
Though I still keep a vision
Try to cause some waves
Make the most of my time
Before I rest in my grave
I planned to fight for this
But I have made many errors
Now I'm left far from happy
With my current state of affairs

I guess I asked for this
When I chose to be alone
It has gotten comfortable
Knowing I have no home
I don't need your compliments
They just weigh down my frame
I think I can live with this
Accepting I have no name
Track Name: The Seasons
Nature grows, finally awake
Gentle winds tussle our hair and make the leaves shake
Life all around, and wooden towers
We pack up a picnic and sit amongst magnificent flowers
Dancing in the sun, feeling alive
Taking in all this beauty as our love begins to thrive

Seasons change and lovers grow
How wonderful to hold someone close
As time passes the love creates
Stunning scenes and serene landscapes
Quickly everything becomes more fun
The canopy shades us from the beating sun
As the day comes to its end
We fall asleep together hand in hand

Bright days, warm nights
We return to roaring bonfires after our long hikes
Lightning bugs dance, in the air above
What did we do to deserve this love
Strong as roots, under blue skies
How could this ever come to meet its demise

Seasons change and lovers grow
How wonderful to hold someone close
As time passes the love creates
Stunning scenes and serene landscapes
Quickly everything becomes more fun
The canopy shades us from the beating sun
As the day comes to its end
We fall asleep together hand in hand

Leaves fall, branches break
Nature's life and our well-being is at stake
Overcast skies, wilting plants
Our little camp is shrouded by clouds of circumstance
Blades of grass, can cut deep
We helplessly watch as our heart blood seeps

Seasons change and people fade
Naive to think that we could have stayed
The progress of time is proof of fate
Our days disappear at an alarming rate
Slowly watch as everything we made
Is consumed again by retreating waves
As the sun sets below the tree line
We will both pretend that we are fine

Dark days, frostbite
Staying up later and later just for phone call fights
Freezing wind, a decayed forest
How is it that in my home I feel like a tourist
We haven't spoken, in a few days
I didn't know I could mess up in so many ways

Seasons change and people fade
Naive to think that we could have stayed
The progress of time is proof of fate
Our days disappear at an alarming rate
Slowly watch as everything we made
Is consumed again by retreating waves
As the sun sets below the tree line
We will both pretend that we are fine
Track Name: Heartstring Noose
When you hung me
With my heart strings
Thought it was funny
But now my soul sings

Of how it was left cold
To fade alone
Now that I'm growing old
I begin to roam

Searching for destiny
But without success
It is now up to me
To fix this mess

And try to leave
Something behind
So that when they grieve
They'll have my mind

Days fly by
And I grow scared
That I will die
Unprepared

This won't be easy
Not for you
No this won't be easy
A painful view

This won't be easy
Not for you
No this won't be easy
To get through

-----------------

Can't you see
The point of this
All we could be
And all you will miss

You will not know that you
Have done your part
Until you are through
End after start

So what is it
That you desire
And can you commit
To swim through fire

When your body fades
And disappears
Will your words have made
Your intentions clear

Or will we spend
Many years
Trying to understand
Your many tears

This isn't easy
Not for me
No this isn't easy
I can't sleep

This isn't easy
Not for me
No this isn't easy
I can't breathe
Track Name: Desire To Create
I breathe through my nostrils now
Won't open my mouth
If I do I'm afraid somehow
Dark things will crawl out

I don't truly pen these lines
I am far too cautious
It's something deep inside my mind
Hidden in my subconscious

Words and phrases fill my head
It's hard to feel at peace
Writing them down before bed
Is how I find release

Then I grab an instrument
And craft life from a song
Is this to my detriment
Knowing the words are always wrong

How can I stay close to you
If you won't allow it
I've got no other key to use
The one I have just won't fit

I never said a thing to you
If I didn't mean it
But all the words I chose to use
Seems to me they don't fit

The very first time I held your hand
You made the words go silent
Storm puddles turned into white sand
Everything became so vibrant

But if this life has taught me well
I learned pleasure is brief
The world has limited joy to sell
Sometimes you must play thief

Always climbing to greater heights
How else can we get by
Losing track of the many nights
Spent trying not to cry

I paid the sentence for my crime
Just waiting for you
But even after all that time
You let me fall right through

How can I stay close to you
If you won't allow it
I've got no other key to use
The one I have just won't fit

I never said a thing to you
If I didn't mean it
All the words I chose to use
Seems to me they don't fit

I feel the fire deep inside me
A desire to create
While I burn internally
I will challenge fate

All the work is worth it though
Knowing that I will make
Life easier for friend and foe
This is yours to take

I've been told that I should change
Or just to stay the same
But if either I would arrange
Would you remember my name

Someday I will walk away
From everything I know
With no words left to say
I will simply go

How can I stay close to you
If you won't allow it
I've got no other key to use
The one I have just won't fit

I never said a thing to you
If I didn't mean it
All the words I chose to use
Seems to me they don't fit

How can I stay close to you
If you won't allow it
I've got no other key to use
The one I have just won't fit

I never said a thing to you
If I didn't mean it
All the words I chose to use
Seems to me they don't fit

How can I stay close to you
If you won't allow it
I've got no other key to use
The one I have just won't fit

I never said a thing to you
If I didn't mean it
All the words I chose to use
Seems to me they don't fit
Track Name: Dream Journal
Two dogs lay beside each other
Falling into a deep sleep
And as their bodies start to twitch
I hope their dreams they can keep
I imagine they are together
Chasing the horizon to catch the sun
No one can separate them now
Two dreamers melded into one
But is it too much to ask
For us to have the same
That when I finally lay to rest
I'd simply call your name
You would hear my familiar voice
And then you would appear
It just feels like it's been so long
Since I have had you here

All the time I had
I didn't spend enough with you
And now that you've gone away
I wonder what I am to do
My time with you has become
So very limited it seems
I only see you in the night
When you hide inside my dreams

Some nights I drink too much
And you may cross my mind
Some nights I don't drink enough
Just appreciating the time
Would it mean anything to you
If I set myself on fire
Just to be the light in your life
I would always push higher
Now that you are gone
I would give so much up today
Just to hear your footsteps
One more time walking away
But if we were to talk again
Promise you'll look in my eyes
I'm sorry to tell you but
My face only tells lies

All the time I had
I didn't spend enough with you
And now that you've gone away
I wonder what I am to do
My time with you has become
So very limited it seems
I only see you in the night
When you hide inside my dreams

I feel the pain of your absence
I have a wounded soul
And ever since you left
I've been trying to feel whole
You have made such a difference
In my life and in my heart
I wish I noticed it earlier
I wish I had known from the start
When I dream it'll be of you
And I'll write down the times
That we meet inside my head
So I can visit them sometime
You can live in my dream journal
Though I know it's not the best
This is just the only way I can
Finally let you rest

So until we meet again
Someday when the world doesn't spin
Oh when we meet again
Well, we will never meet again
Track Name: Alone
I am not a writer; I am not a poet
I am lost but the words don't show it
I am not a monk; I'm not at peace
Listen as my soul screams for release
I am an actor; I wear a mask
It is in your applause that I will bask
I am a paradox; I am a contradiction
My scars won't let me forget about the friction
I am not a good man; I am not your friend
Each night before sleep I await my end
I am not safe; I don't know where to start
My head is constantly fighting off my heart
I am a fool; I am the Joker
A pseudo-intellectual abyss-approacher
I'm all alone; I'm all alone
I cannot be known, so I'll stay alone

I am not a writer; I am not a poet
I am lost but the words don't show it
I am not a monk; I'm not at peace
Listen as my soul screams for release
I am an actor; I wear a mask
It is in your applause that I will bask
I am a paradox; I am a contradiction
My scars won't let me forget about the friction
I am not a good man; I am not your friend
Each night before sleep I await my end
I am not safe; I don't know where to start
My head is constantly fighting off my heart
I am a fool; I am the Joker
A pseudo-intellectual abyss-approacher
I'm all alone; I'm all alone
I cannot be known, so I'll stay alone

I am not a writer; I am not a poet
I am lost but the words don't show it
I am not a monk; I'm not at peace
Listen as my soul screams for release
I am an actor; I wear a mask
It is in your applause that I will bask
I am a paradox; I am a contradiction
My scars won't let me forget about the friction
I am not a good man; I am not your friend
Each night before sleep I await my end
I am not safe; I don't know where to start
My head is constantly fighting off my heart
I am a fool; I am the Joker
A pseudo-intellectual JiéShù-approacher
I'm all alone; I'm all alone
I cannot be known, so I'll stay alone
Track Name: Goodbye
From the beginning I was focused on the end. I hardly remember the bliss of not pondering our finite existence. I think many of us progress to asking questions but we fear too greatly what the answers may be, so we pull the covers back over our head. The world is full of many safety nets to the questions that scare us, and many of us are apt to cling to those reassurances. I believe that despite the trouble, it is worth it to live on the edge with no harness, net, or bubbles to ease your mind.

Why? Why are we here? I've stopped looking for a purpose because this world is a purposeless place. I can answer your question of why, and the answer is nothing. You have no innate purpose. If you are clever, you will realize this is not depressing but rather a freeing realization. If you have no purpose you are able to create your own. You choose your own destiny, and only you can judge if you have fulfilled it or not.

This life is a game, and there are many ways to play. The rules are very simple: find joy for yourself, and bring joy to others. Everyone simply wants to look back before they leave and say: "I made the most of my time. It was worth it." I often ask myself if living is truly worth it. We're destined to die sometime, what difference would it make when? I'm afraid the best answer I've found is in how it would affect others. Those closest to me do not deserve the grief a loss would bring them.

Why must death be sad? We have a bad habit of clinging on to what is good, and pushing away what is bad. I no longer believe life is good and death is bad. Everything is just, everything. Life would not be so amazing in the soothing sunshine if you did not also experience the chilling rain. Life is about balance. Death is a necessary component to making us appreciate the time we do have, and thus we should love it. One day you, I, and everyone else will fade away. All I ask is that you no longer fear this universal truth. I ask that you embrace it with all your heart, and welcome it when the time comes. Until we talk again, goodbye.